We are stars now.

WE ARE STARS NOW!

They love you when you're on all the covers
When you're not then they love another


The drugs they say
are made in California
We love your face
We'd really like to sell you
The cops and queers
make good-looking models
I hate today
Who will I wake up with tomorrow?



Marilyn Manson - Dope Show

Love that song<3. Everyday since i've posted i've b&p'ed atleast 2 times a day.. I took 30 laxatives yesterday, my stumach HURTS! I woke up 14 times at night, although I went to bed at 2 am and woke up when it was 10 am..

This boy I liked, has a girlfriend. Before he had told me they didn't live together anymore, because of a fight.. And now he says they kinda still live together. He asked if I was in love with him, I've never been in love with anyone, that counted for him too. I try to expect nothing from others, so I won't be hurt.. But this hurted me, because he knew about my ED. He didn't tell me things, he lied. I try not to care, I try NOT to care.

I weighed 64.1 kg after b&p. 4 KG overweight, i'm fat. I already knew that, to deal with my emotions now, I dance. I put on mtv and start to dance, just to get rid of all my thoughts and dance it away.

My highest weight was 74 kg, I'm more depressed now when I weigh 64.. I feel uglier now, I know I'm prettier then I was then. Oh hell yeah, thats forsure. I had a bmi of 30?! once. WTF. And now i'm getting healthy :]. in a fucking wrong way, with mia.. I try not to eat. I TRY! But its hard, I've once fasted for 2 days on coffee & water. :]

It's vacation now and I want to wear a cute outfit with this pants which don't fit YET. So I'll need to lose a lot of weight. And I've skirts that are getting too big, I never wore them to school, only in other countries on vacation, because I think everyone will laugh at me and remember me as the one with the ugly thighs. I love some exercises, because thats the only time I can see my bones. My collarbones show more now, our collarbones in the family are bones that stick out. I've got those, I love my bones. I hate the fat hanging around my belly, thighs, ass, arms.

This wednesday I'm going to London or Germany or Spain. We haven't decided yet. I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM quik (DYINGBECAUSEOFTHEPAIN). and need to let my dog out.

Byee. <3