New from the past.

Oh, Mia is killing me. I binged on 1500 calories and Mia made me puke it all out. Wrecked, hated, misjudged, frustrated. This life is killing me, but I can't leave Ana&Mia, they're my best friends, the only friends who don't lie to me.. They're here for me. The scale said I've gained some weight, I'm going to fast for 30 hours starting now..

My weight, my looks, were an issue since I was little. My parents tried to get in into dieting, I couldn't control myself and I didn't care... But it became an issue for me when I turned 11 and went on holiday.. As I sat there reading my book, my uncle asked me if I had gained weight and if I ate everything I saw when I was studying.. I kept my mouth shut and went upstairs.. My nieces came to me and asked why I didn't say anything back, he was fatter then me, he didn't had the right to say that..

This issue, was a turning point in my life. I began to eat to cope, everyday after school I grabbed some cookies, chips, pizza. People started calling me names, then I realized I made myself fat. I started to restrict and counting calories. Soon I found out what thinspo was and searched it everyday. I had no self control, nor have I now. At that point I finally started to lose weight..

At my fattest I was a size 46, Europe sizes(= size 16 in USA and in UK a size 18) Now I am finally a size 38, Europian size(= size 8 in USA and in UK a size 10) I found Ana, when I was 13.. I started cutting, bruising and burning. I've stopped after a year of hell. Now all I have left is Ana and Mia.. I need to be a size 32 before summer.. I want my lovehandles gone, theres nothing to love..

Thirthy hours fast, starting now.